Nurturing a Holistic Relationship with Food : From One Mamma to Another

Hear it from the Mammas!

Hi Janani, thanks for being back to share another story on the blog. Last time was about baby swimming. This time let’s talk about food.

I am happy to be back on Srishti to share yet another story as a mother. Although food and food making are given a lot of importance in our (Indian) culture, I grew up eating food for the sake of it. It was an imposed activity which I never really enjoyed, until I met my husband, Abhinav. He is a food enthusiast and appreciates any food offered to him and this entirely changed my relationship with food. I realised that the food that we eat not only decides our physical health but also the very way we feel and experience life. Therefore, as a mother, it was vital for me to enable my daughter, Agni, to have a positive relationship with food right from the beginning.

When did you start introducing other foods to your daughter and how did you go about this?

When A was about 3-4 months old, just like every other baby, she used to put things in her mouth to explore the environment through her senses. I consider this ‘mouthing’ to also be a natural instinct for babies to explore foods. I initially introduced food by giving her whole carrots, lemons, apples, coriander etc., to play with. From 5 months onwards, she was let to feed herself when she was hungry. She was made to sit on a highchair and was offered finger foods that included a mix of soft-textured fruits, veggies, and some cooked grains. As she grew older, I introduced foods with harder textures, and mixed ingredients. By 8-10 months, her chewing skills, dexterity, hand-eye coordination and even sorting skills (she used to sort a mixed platter of fruits by colour, shape, type) had improved tremendously. This whole process allowed her to be ‘in-charge’ of when, what, and how much she wanted to eat.

Can you describe Agni’s eating area?

We are a small family of three – Agni, my husband and myself living in Germany. When we are at home, we prefer to eat together as a family sitting at the dining table. Agni used to sit on a highchair until 1.5 years, but then shifted to a normal chair with a booster seat that helps her to independently climb up and climb down from it. While we eat, we appreciate the different tastes, and discuss our day’s activities. It is important for us that there is no other parallel activity happening while we are eating. This focus helps Agni to appreciate, enjoy, and be grateful for the food she eats.

How open is she to trying different foods?

Right from the beginning, Agni loved to explore different tastes. I could say, mealtimes are the ‘high points’ in her day. She looks forward to eating every meal with so much joy and excitement. She is always curious and ready to try out new tastes.

How do you and your husband support your daughter’s approach to food?

We support Agni’s approach to food by enabling independence. We introduced her to a spoon by 15 months, and a fork and knife by 18 months. We keep some healthy snacks and fruits that are easily accessible to her throughout the day that allows her to eat something in case she gets hungry. Just like how she is in-charge of eating the food, we also encourage her to be part of the clean-up in whatever way she can. Overall, the whole process over the last 2 years has required tremendous patience from our side especially because – as a baby, it used to be extremely messy when she ate, involving an elaborate clean-up after every meal. But all this effort has been totally worth it.

Does your daughter participate in preparation of food?

We generally prepare two meals at home every day. I try to do most of my household chores along with Agni. So, she is continually involved in the preparation of food as well. She participates in washing, de-stemming, sorting, and clearing of the ingredients used to prepare the meal. She smells and tastes the different flavours while I cook. She understands that preparing a meal takes a long time and effort. She is also part of our visits to the farmers market or supermarket where she chooses the fruits and vegetables.

Is it important to give children the experience of seeing food grow? How do you think this impacts their attitude towards food?

In a world where we are so disconnected with our choices, it’s important that a child knows where the food comes from. In the last few months, we are actively involved in growing plants at home in our small garden. Agni tends to the soil, waters the plants, and experiences the process of growing them. We, in whatever way possible, explain and communicate to Agni the importance of actively contributing to a changing world – a kinder world. So as a family, we are trying to reduce the consumption of animal-based products (dairy, eggs etc.).

Can you share with other parents a few guidelines on approaching food holistically?

Every human baby has an in-built mechanism to feed themselves. As a caregiver, it is important to nurture and give space for this to develop well. Besides, exposure to food need not just be confined to the dining table but can be extended to the kitchen, gardens, or farms.

Let’s talk about Mess!

Articles

Children are messy! This is a common notion that we adults share. Whether they are playing with some blocks or washing their hands, whether they are painting or rolling up a rug, mess always seems to follow children. We instantly know there is evidence of a child’s handiwork wherever things are in disarray.

Trigger for a Reaction

Mess is something that throws many of us off. It is a cue for an elaborate clean up – no adult with a toddler needs to be told the scrubbing that has to be done following a painting session. Mess is something many of us struggle to look past because it requires effort to rectify, energy to restore and time to reset. Mess is not something we want to have time for because we associate mess with mischief, disrespect and unruly behavior. We think of mess as bad.

But, in early childhood, mess is not a sign of rebellion. It is a sign of learning, a sign of overwhelm, a sign of wanting some 1:1 time. In young children, mess is a reminder for observation.

Types of Mess

The “ I’m learning” Mess

When a child is learning to do something by themselves, there is going to be a mess. This is a natural part of exploration and learning. We need to train our eyes to look at the mess and see what it symbolises. It is a sign of work. In the process of taking food from the plate to their mouth, their yet-to-be coordinated body, their yet-to-gain finesse hands have spilled some or most of the meal. This type of mess is the remnant of a child at work.

How to help?

We help by first not saying, “Oh my god! Look at what a mess you have made. This is why I prefer to brush your teeth myself!” Likewise, there is also no need to tell this child that the mess is a sign that they are learning. Instead, what we can actually do is look at this child.

Is this child a baby, a toddler or an older child of 4 or 5 years?
Can this child help you in the clean up? If so, is this child actually going to clean up without your prompt?

If they are going to clean up, we just wait. Else, we swoop in and say, “Okay, so you have finished washing your hands. I notice some water here. How about we get that purple sponge and clean it up?” If this is a baby who cannot yet help, we can offer a piece of cloth for them to hold and also model how to clean up. Yes, this is hard work! But we need to remind ourselves that we are setting the tone for future initiatives by this child. When this baby becomes able and ready, they can collaborate in fixing the mess.

The “ I have too much” Mess

Another kind of mess happens often with children who have too much. For this, we need to understand that our level of too much and the child’s level of too much are not the same. If we have a book cabinet with about 30 books, we can look for the title we want from the mix and move on to reading the chosen book. But, even we struggle nowadays, I must say. Everytime we are on Netflix, we take hours just deciding which movie to watch. If this is true for us, then it is even more true for little children. They need limitations.

When we have all their toys dumped in a tub inside a playpen, there is going to be a mess. This is a kind of mess that is detrimental to progress because it curbs exploration. It leads to a child jumping from one to another, banging, throwing, screaming and creating further mess – signs of the child coping with the mess.

How to help?

We help by offering this child the much needed limitation. Have a look at what draws the child and choose 3 – 5 toys that support or aid this. Put everything else away in a closet, out of the child’s sight! Now, these chosen toys can be arranged very neatly on a mat on the floor, under the centre table, on a low cabinet or shelf. The toys can be rotated when we feel the child is seeking new challenges.

The “ I need some attention” Mess

This happens to almost all of us several times a day. Adults have a lot of responsibilities around the house – we have to wash the dishes, fold the clothes, take that important call and we cannot give children our full attention all the time. And, we needn’t! But, when the child is creating a mess, it is a sign that they need help. It is not a time to ignore the child or the mess as this child needs help to fix the mess, to fix that feeling of wanting to create the mess. It is a reminder to stop.

How to help?

If this is a toddler or an older child and you have to take that important call, talk to them. Tell them, “Amma really needs to talk to this client. I will be with you as soon as I am done. You can bring a nice book over here and read it. We can look at it again after I am done.” They may be able to wait or they may not, depending on the situation and prior experience with waiting. Once you are done, you can go over and give them that 1:1 time to calm their energies.

It is important to stop because we first need to calm the energies, calm the need to make that mess. Children also need bites of 1:1 time with us during the day. This will calm, ground and secure them, readying them for periods of play.

The “ I’m curious” Mess

Young children are learning. They are learning that when they release their hold, that piece of potato will fall splat on the floor, that when they turn the tap fully, water is going to flow at full force. This mess is similar to a child who is learning. However, this mess may happen because of a curiosity to know what happens if? This is a way to understand that their actions impact their world.

How to help?

We help by showing the child how to fix the mess once the curious exploration comes to an end. This is very similar to the, “I’m learning mess” and requires the same kind of assistance in resolving.

Looking beyond the Chaos

Understanding where children are in their development, observing their actions and the motives behind them will help us form a bigger picture of their mess.

The child’s order and disorder, the successes he attains, depend often on one’s ability to observe the least particulars, because only through doing will the result be satisfactory.”
Maria Montessori, The Child in the Family

As we have seen, mess is a sign of work, a sign of learning, a sign of exploration, a sign of having waited. Mess is a sign of growth.

Journey towards Motherhood; Experiences on Pregnancy & Postpartum : Mamma Love Series

Mamma Love Series

Do you think pregnancy focuses on preparing for motherhood as much as preparing or a baby?

Ramya, who lives in Bangalore with her toddler shares, “I do not believe pregnancy focuses on preparing for motherhood. Throughout pregnancy, a mom, especially a first time mom, usually thinks a lot about the course of pregnancy, how to get through it & how to keep her growing baby healthy. Then there is of course labour and delivery, which preoccupies many moms-to-be. And finally, one thinks about processes and things for when the baby comes – how do you swaddle, what stroller do you need. There is very little mention – from healthcare providers or more experienced moms’, in literature, depictions in popular culture of what motherhood entails, and the mental fortitude required to deal with it.

Shilpa, mother of baby Dhruv who is 11 months old, writes, “Contrary to what I thought, not in the least. While I was pregnant, it was all about staying healthy, happy and focusing on having a safe pregnancy. Rest, sleep, nutritious food, supplements, yoga – the days just whizzed by. Coupled with long hours at work, there wasn’t really any time to think of anything else. And no one really spoke about motherhood, at least to me. Other than the usual, “Oh, this is nothing, wait for the baby to arrive!” – no one had much to say, and it never occurred to me that we actually do need to prepare for motherhood.

Can you share with us the emotional and physical ride you went through soon after your baby’s arrival?

Shilpa begins, “Remember how I said that people tend to tell you, “Oh, this is nothing, wait for the baby to arrive!”. At the time I thought, well, it would really help if the same people could actually tell me something useful instead of these unwarranted comments,” she says. “But, what I can tell you now, is that, NO ONE can really tell you anything about how you are likely to feel. Every pregnancy is different, every baby is different AND every mother is different. There is really no ‘one size fits all’ advice – and it would really help if that is what people would tell new mothers.” She continues, “For me, it was much easier to deal with the physical aspects than the emotional ones. I had a C-section, it was not easy, and it was painful, but with the help of doctors and nurses I found it quite manageable. For someone who really really needs sleep to function, the lack of sleep that comes with a new baby hit me like an express train! Even that I managed to deal with in the best way I could.

She says none of the physical challenges came close to what was going on in her mind. “The answer to what was going on in my mind is, nothing, and everything,” shares Shilpa. “A lot of the time I was completely blanked out and functioning like a robot, and when I wasn’t in that mode – I was paranoid and overthinking EVERYTHING baby. Is he sleeping ok, is he being fed enough, is he peeing enough, is his poop the right color, is he breathing while he is asleep (yes, even this!), have I covered him enough and so on. ” She assures, “But, things do settle down eventually and the important thing for you and your immediate family is to acknowledge what you are going through.”

Meanwhile, Ramya speaks of her experience, “I had been waiting to be a mother my whole life. Since I was five years old, I would play pretend with my dolls, and as I got older, I’d imagine scenarios with my future children, and fantasise about life as a mother. I struggled to get and stay pregnant, which added to my deep yearning to be a mother. This pregnancy and my unborn baby were so precious and important to me – it’s not wrong to say that all my hopes were pinned on them. Then my daughter was born, and all my castles went up in smoke.” She says, “I knew it almost immediately – I did not feel all the emotions that everyone says you must, that I was prepared to feel – the overwhelming love, the immediate affection. I felt removed from my baby, I couldn’t bring myself to feel the quantum of love that I expected and wanted. She was low birth weight, and had experienced some in-utero stress. This led her to being diagnosed as a baby high needs. The intensity of her behaviour and emotions were jarring. She would cry for hours on end, and I would be at wits end, unable to comfort her, and not knowing what to do. Our bonding was not immediate, and took lots of time and effort. I felt deep anguish when I saw how easily my husband and father bonded with and loved my daughter, and I struggled to do the same.

My angst was compounded by the fact that I moved back to my parent’s house after living away from them for more than five years. My father is a doctor, and was very involved in my daughter from the moment of her birth. My mother- in- law and husband’s aunt were also very keen to help and would come over everyday. I am an introvert at heart, fiercely independent, and deeply opinionated. This combination did not bode well for me in my circumstances. I felt like I was drowning under the torrent of constant advice, comments, and suggestions. I felt that I was not getting the support and rest I truly needed, and started feeling resentment towards those around me. The restrictions on eating, going out, and general to-dos, mild though they were, felt unbearable to me.

About her initial breastfeeding experience, Ramya shares, “Breastfeeding was probably the worst part of the initial days. I struggled to produce sufficient milk, and felt like I was subjected to an inquisition from all the elders at home. It was deeply anxiety inducing. To add to this, my baby was born with a tooth, which rendered breastfeeding traumatic at times. Physically, my recovery was quite quick and relatively easy, given that I had a vaginal birth. However, I had stitches and some digestive issues that left me in constant discomfort for the first couple of months. Coupled with my lack of sleep, I felt like a zombie.

Finally, she says, “Of course like all things, the lower the lows, the higher the highs. I could watch my daughter sleep for hours on end. Hugging her tiny 2.5 kg body to my chest on those chilly winter afternoons as we did skin to skin, was tranquility epitomised. I always maintain one of life’s greatest joys is holding a sleeping baby, a truth I realised in those early days. When my daughter would smile in her sleep, or yawn, or I’d count her tiny fingers and toes, I truly understood why it was called the miracle of life.”

In those initial months, what kind of support comforted you most and what caused turbulence?

“My husband was my biggest support, my rock and my wall”, begins Ramya. “When he was there, I felt completely confident and comfortable. He always let me take the lead and played the perfect complement. He was ever ready to do any physical task, and give me a break. This rejuvenated me and kept me sane. I found his presence to be calm and soothing because he never questioned me, and instilled in me the belief that I was doing my best. I also found immense comfort in my best friend who had a baby 18 days after me. We were able to go through all the trials and tribulations of new motherhood together. Speaking to someone who was feeling all the things that I was feeling, was an immense reassurance. My parents were very supportive and generous. I feel I took them for granted to some extent, but knowing that they were there for relief and my father for medical help and advice was very comforting. The things that caused turbulence was constant critiques and criticism of my choices and parenting style, and people providing anecdotes about the choices that they made with their children. I felt that there was so much pressure and instruction, it left me dizzy, and unable to think out the best choice for me and my baby.”

Meanwhile, Shilpa says space and privacy were what she needed and when given that, she was able to enjoy the initial days and stay comfortable. She adds, “This was essential to recover, bond with and get to know my baby. I didn’t want a long lines of visitors at the hospital or at home, and that was THE factor that caused turbulence in my case. Being in India, a LOT of people tend to visit – out of courtesy, even when you don’t want/ expect that courtesy! The cardinal rule of “never wake a sleeping baby” was thrown to the winds, and that was incredibly upsetting for me.”

At any point in this journey, have you felt that you were so unprepared for the task in hand?

“Honestly this happens so often that I have lost track,” admits Shilpa. “While most matters appear fairly routine and ‘everyone has gone through it’, when it is your own baby, and when it is you who are completely responsible – even the simplest of tasks can put a lot of pressure on you. At the start, even changing diapers used to stress me out – have I cleaned him properly so that he doesn’t end up with a rash?! After getting through the first few months, I can now probably tell another new mom to hang in there and that it gets better.”

“Yes!” exclaims Ramya.”Many times in the first three months, I’d cry to myself, asking what I had done to my husband’s and my life.” “The physical and mental exertions were nothing close to what I had expected, and I was completely overwhelmed. At the same time I felt like a complete failure, because I thought that since the start of time, billions on billions have undertaken motherhood successfully, why am I finding it so hard. I also felt a great amount of guilt since I knew the majority of people have minimal amounts of help and I had so much. I was perpetually petrified of what life would be like when I moved out on my own.”

Is there anything that you have learnt on this journey that you want to share with other mothers?

Shilpa advices new mothers, “You may have heard a lot of people talk about how they are independent and how they managed to do everything for their baby all by themselves. Now, that’s great. But, if you are in a position to get some help, take it! You will feel much better. While it is beautiful, it is not an easy journey, and every mother needs her rest, as well. You don’t have to feel guilty if you are unable to manage by yourself, taking care of a newborn is no easy task and especially for a new mom who doesn’t sleep nights (or days). Even now, with an 8 month old, I don’t need help with any chores, but I do ask the grandparents to come and just play with the baby. I physically don’t have the amount of energy required to keep my baby entertained for hours and that’s the one thing I ask for even now.”

Ramya puts into words something beautiful for expectant mammas, “I think I would want to share that there are so many narratives, dictats, rules, and expectations. There are so many voices in the background. There is so much stress and tension. Hard as it may seem, block ALL of that out. Remember the only thing that is right is what works for you and your baby. There is no wrong. There are no winners and losers. There is no better and worse. So focus on making yourself happy and content because that’s when you will be able to make the best choices as a parent for your child and family. Learn to trust yourself, that’s how you can be the best mother you can.

Cut out the competition in toto. It doesn’t matter – epidural or non, vaginal or c-section, breast, bottle or both, co-sleeper or in the crib. These choices literally do not matter at all in the long run in any material way, they have no reflection on you or your child. You aren’t better if they did things one way, nor are you worse. She finally says, “Don’t derive a sense of achievement from your children! Enjoy each milestone, quietly and peacefully.”

The Wisdom of Skin-Skin: From One Mamma to Another

Hear it from the Mammas!

Skin-to-skin is a wonderful way to bond with your baby in moments, weeks and days following birth. It is reassuring for the baby to stay in the arms of the mother whom they know from life in utero. For the mother, nothing is more soothing than to hold, protect and provide for her baby.

Lets hear more about this from a Mamma of two from Switzerland.

Hi Uthra, tell us about yourself and your family.

I am Uthra, a stay at home mom. My husband, Adithya, and I have been married for five years and we have two beautiful daughters Kanaa (4.5 years) and Kalki (9 months).

How was your birthing experience with Kanaa different from Kalki?

My first child, Kanaa, was born in Palo Alto, California. Well before Kanaa was born I was very sure that I would want to take an epidural for the birthing. Kanaa, although, seemed to have a different plan for us. Even before I was induced with pitocin, I had begun to experience severe contractions, this was followed by a full dose of epidural. Labor lasted only for five hours and she was ready to be pushed out very soon. Given that I was on a full dose of epidural I couldn’t feel anything below my hip. It also did not help during the final moments of pushing. She popped out at the sixth hour of labor. My experience of birthing Kanaa was 100% painless.

My second child Kalki was born in Basel, Switzerland. The hospital was a four-minute walk from home. When the contractions began, my husband and I simply walked to the hospital with the suitcase and got admitted. Seven hours into the contractions, our midwife told us that we were doing so well and that I would very well be able to give birth without pain med. She reminded us that an epidural would only slow down the natural process. We decided that we would go ahead without any pain med this time and the pushing started after 10 hours of active labor. Of course there was more pain than I was already experiencing but, honestly, I realised how natural the process is, how the body automatically gains a whole lot of power and releases any amount of energy required in order to give birth. It was magical!

Both experiences were totally different but absolutely memorable.

How did they encourage bonding with your babies soon after birth? Was it different in California and Basel?

With my first-born, Kanaa, everything was new for the both of us. I had absolutely no idea what it was to feed, burp and put a baby to sleep. Only the day after my birthing, did the nurse introduce me to skin-skin. However, everything was different with my second one.The midwife made sure that I gave birth in absolute comfort. The hospital felt like home; as though I was taking a break from my routine to give birth to my child. The mothers especially, are expected to instinctively care for the child. There are no given instructions, no rules! All our questions were answered but unlike America where I was given a “feed routine” , a “how to burp and when to burp” lecture, the mothers were allowed to do what they thought was right to do. And the nurse would intervene if she thinks I could do something differently.

Representative photo of skin-skin moments after birth, not the family in the article.

Tell us about your skin-to-skin practice.

With Kanaa, after every feed I would burp her, lay her on my chest in a way that she could hear my heartbeat and nap with her. Thanks to my mother in law and mother, who were both there to help me one after the other, I had the luxury to simply feed and nap with Kanaa in the room. I would come out only to eat, and bathe. I continued this for two whole months.

With Kalki I would feed and hold her for more than thirty minutes while she would sleep peacefully. I would then lay her beside me but very close to me and nap with her. Once I was home, my first one naturally expected me to be there for her usual morning routine etc., and it took her a little while to understand. During the night I would feed Kalki lying down on my side and let her sleep close to me feeling my warmth.

Tell us how skin-to-skin helped you and how you think it helped your babies.

Feeling those tiny little fingers and toes and soft cheeks. Who wouldn’t like it ? And it’s every mother’s blessing to be able to have the opportunity to touch and feel their babies the most. Newborns usually feed and sleep in loop, and it would be just as easy to drop them in the crib soon after a feed, as it would be to hold them against your chest. I love the feeling, the warmth of her against me and how I can wrap a tiny human being within my arms and watch her sleep peacefully.

The first couple of months are always stressful for the mommy. To be available at all odd hours to feed and to be able to put the baby to sleep at anytime. It is not easy. I believe that skin to skin helped lessen the stress. It gave me a lot of calm.

And the babies, who are so fragile and new, who’ve had the warmth and calm in the cocoon of the womb, look for the same kind of “wrapped” feeling in order to feel secure in the new world. No amount of swaddling will equal skin-skin. Once you have them on your skin the heat in your body is more than enough to keep them warm and comfortable during those first couple of weeks. It made a lot of difference.

Do you think bonding with the other parent is just as necessary?

Absolutely. My husband would hold them close and tight and have them sleep on his tummy or chest every time he could. He had the luxury of time with my first-born more than my second. It helps mothers a lot if the fathers also had skin-skin time with the babies as this helps the babies to get familiarised with the smell and touch of the fathers too. And when in distress, one wouldn’t have to always look for the mother, the skin-skin familiarisation with daddy could also calm the baby.

Representative photo, not the family in the article.

Even siblings should be encouraged to do this. No matter how young they are. It’s every parent’s anxiety – whether the first-born would accept his or her sister/ brother easily. The sense of touch can do wonders. Kanaa was encouraged to hold Kalki a couple of times against her skin. She found it funny in the beginning but she slowly began to sing to her and feel Kalki’s new soft skin while singing. And she thoroughly loved it. I like to believe that this helped Kalki recognise her sister so easily. Kalki now enjoys Kanaa’s attention and waits for it everyday.

Can you share an encouraging note to every mamma out there to skin-to-skin?

Dear beautiful new mommies, the first couple of months after your newborn’s arrival are very important for you and the whole family. With a whole lot of emotions to deal with, first comes the happiness and excitement, followed by sleepless nights, stress and anxiety. There are times when one would just want to be left alone. Not having to care for a tiny human being all round the clock. But you’ll see how these babies return all your love and care multifold. They give back in numerous ways. So it is important to stop and take a second to breathe. Breathe with your baby against your skin. Give that time for them. You’ll see how much difference it could make. It really makes life calmer and easier during those first couple of months.

A Peep into Mantrini’s Curious Mind

Tales of Little Children

Here is a story of Mantrini who lives in Coimbatore, India with her parents Raghav and Shanti. Little Mantrini just turned four and was gifted a spacious sand pit in her backyard where she loves playing and enjoys the ample space all to herself. Mantrini’s mamma is expecting her second baby and although little Mantra has been well-informed of a new sibling in sight, she does not fully comprehend that she will have to share everything, including her precious sandpit with her new sibling.

On a lazy Sunday afternoon, it was Shanti’s turn to rest after lunch while Raghav played with Mantra. Of late, it was becoming easier to engage her because of her new-found love – the sandpit. Little Mantra would promptly take her pail and spade with a couple of cookie moulds and plop herself in the sandpit for hours, playing and making castles and pretend-cookies. This Sunday afternoon was no exception. Raghav decided to relax on his favourite armchair with a book and oversee his daughter’s play.

Just as the book was beginning to get more gripping, Raghav heard a squeal from the bushes. He shut his book and was ready to run when he heard Mantra’s excited voice from behind the bushes, asking him to come there immediately. Raghav wanted to see what was causing all this exuberance and ran to see an army of ants marching towards the bushes.

What follows is the conversation that transpired between Little Mantra and her Appa. Although, we like to call it a conversation, Raghav is bent on calling it an interrogation, one that was a lot trickier than a job interview!

M : “Appa, Appa, what are these?”

R : “Oh!” Raghav’s excitement had waned a little on realising that all this fuss was over some ants. “ These are just ants, Mantra.”

M : “Where are they going?”

R : “Umm… to their home.”

M : “Where is their home?”

R : “Somewhere in those bushes.”

Mantra, on hearing about a home in the bushes, promptly declared, “ I want to go there now!”

R : “We cannot go into an ant’s house Mantra. It is too small.”

Mantra paused and glared at the ants and in no time bounced back with her next question, “ Is there an amma in the home?”

R : “Yes”, Raghav was surprised at his vote of confidence in this reply.

M : “Is there a paapa (baby) in the amma ant’s tummy?”

R : “I don’t know Mantra.”

At this point, little Mantra seemed pensive and almost as if her curiosity had been satiated. As Raghav turned to head back to his chair, she shot back another question, “Appa, Appa, does the ant go poop?”

R : “Yes, I’m sure they do.”

M : “I want to go poopy too.”

Raghav lost all hope of finding out what happens next in the book and shut it. “ Okay, let’s go inside.” Mantra ran towards him and continued asking questions in between breaths. “Does the ant wear diaper, appa?”

R : “No kanna, not at all.” Raghav was becoming more and more surprised at his expertise in the matters of ants.

While Mantra was on her potty, she didn’t stop her questions and continued, “ Does the ant like Dora?”

R : “No kanna, the ant likes sugar and all things sweet.”

M : “Can I bring the ant inside to play? I will give it sugar. It can be my friend.”

R : “No, Mantra, you cannot do all that. Ants will bite you.”

Mantra was about to ask her next question on why ants bite and how they will bite her if they were her friend, when Shanti entered the room. Raghav, who was perspiring at this point with the way the questions were progressing, gladly let Shanti answer Mantra’s questions and returned to his lazy chair.

On his way back, he couldn’t help but wonder how his four-year old daughter had managed to ask him more questions than his manager at work!

The Joy of Growing Up with Animals – From One Mamma to Another

Hear it from the Mammas!

Growing up around animals can be a wonderful experience for children. They learn to care, love and cherish them whilst forming a strong friendship. In our increasingly nature-disconnected lives, such friendships ground and give us a clear perspective – that all of us are joined together in this intricate web of life.

Let’s hear more about the importance and joys of having animals at home, from a Mamma of two from India.

Hi Aruna, tell us a little about yourself and your family

Hello everyone!I am Aruna and I live in Salem, India with my husband Anand, our two boys – Adarsh who is 6 years old and Akash who is 3 years old – and our three pets.

What kind of pets do you have at home?

We have a Golden Retriever – Muthu who is almost 3 years old, a Boxer – Veera who is 2.6 years and a talking Parrot – Meenu who is the oldest at 7 years and 2 months. Muthu is a charmer. He is well-mannered, very friendly and always loves to be around the boys. Veera is the naughty one; he is very curious and likes to show off his skills. He often goes on these secret missions around the house and we know that he is up to some mischief. Meenu is very chatty. She likes everyone to know her presence and says something every ten minutes to make sure she is noticed.

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How do your children interact and play with them?

The bond between the boys and our pets is very special. When the boys were babies, I used to constantly monitor their interactions because Muthu and Veera were also very young and used to be quite enthusiastic. But, over time, I realised that the dogs can be very gentle and now Muthu and Veera have become Adarsh and Akash’s constant companions, source of strength and their biggest admirers.

What steps do you take to help your boys take responsibility for the pets?

I think it comes very naturally to them just by observing us. Both my sons, especially Adarsh can feed and bathe them, and comfort them in case the pets are unwell. Once we had some guests and a little boy kept pulling Muthu’s tail. Adarsh got very upset and took Muthu to his room and stayed there until the guests left. They are both very protective of the pets.

Is it just the house pets or do your children take to animals outside the home as well?

They are generally very compassionate to animals. It’s like they can relate to them and understand them. When we visit friends who have dogs, the bond is instant and they are curious to know what they eat, where they sleep, what they like to play with, etc. Likewise, whenever we visit our farm, they love to touch and play with the cows and goats and feed them hay and water. Once, a sparrow, who is a regular visitor in our house, hurt its leg. My husband and the boys tended to the bird and took care of it until it was ready to fly.

How do your pets express care for your children?

Well, this is always most interesting. Whenever I raise my voice against the boys, they will immediately come as saviours and stand next to them, licking their feet. If the boys are sad or sick, they never leave their side. Meenu is usually more to herself but when the boys are unwell, she can sense something is not right and will fly into their bedroom to check on them. When someone new comes to our house, like a gardener or plumber, the dogs become all protective and will never let anyone near the boys.

Do you believe having animals around the house is important?

I actually feel it must be natural. The human-animal bond is a very mutually beneficial and dynamic relationship. It is our responsibility to protect and care for them, because this world is theirs as much as it is ours. Peaceful cohabitation should be our ultimate goal. I strongly believe in this and so I do as much to create a sense of responsibility in both the boys. So, yes, it is important to have animals around the house.

How do you navigate having pets and children at home?

Haha! That is a good question! They can all be a handful. One good thing is they are always together, so it makes it easier for me to monitor what’s going on. Some days can be very tedious, especially if one of them falls sick. Some days are so joyful and memorable. It is hardest when we have to travel because a lot of planning needs to go into taking care of the pets while we are away. Which is why, I am so grateful we have a strong support staff in our home and my husband also helps tremendously. So, it all works out well in the end with a few bumps along the way.

Can you share some lighter moments between the boys and the pets?

There are so many wonderful moments, I think I can write a book. So, Veera loves to hide things when he is off on his secret mission. He will hide anything he finds like the TV remote, our cell phone, a comb or even shoes. Then, the whole team, including Meenu are on an expedition trying to search for this one thing. Saturdays are bathing days for the dogs. They are all out on the backyard – my boys, the dogs and my husband. My husband uses a hose pipe to clean them up and usually all of them end up getting drenched amidst so much laughter and noise. Sometimes, I fear our neighbours will complain. Oh, and the mess they make! But, the smile on their face makes it all worth it in the end.

Baby Swimming with my 10 Week Old: From One Mamma to Another

Hear it from the Mammas!

Baby swimming is a rich sensory experience that can be offered to a newborn. Water takes babies back to life in utero and helps them become aware of their body’s endless capabilities. It also aids coordination and muscle strength while working up their appetite. Baby swimming is a wonderful way for parents to just hold their little ones and bond with them!

While many of us maybe apprehensive about baby swimming, here is a Mamma from Germany who has been taking her baby swimming from the time she was 10 weeks old. Let’s hear more about this from her!

Hi Janani, tell us about yourself and your family.

My husband and I live in Germany. Our baby girl, Agni was born in March 2018. The past 7 months have been a fun ride with her. As a couple, we love the company of nature, travelling and exploring new things. We would probably give Agni similar experiences as she grows up.

How did you find out about baby swimming?

My Hebamme (midwife) used to come home every alternate day after my delivery. She told me about it.

What made you decide to take your baby for these lessons?

I was excited as soon as I heard about it. My only question was how soon can I start? Agni was in the pool when she was 10 weeks old. Water is not such a new environment for the babies as they have been kicking and playing in the amniotic fluid for months.

Can you describe the structure of these lessons? Typically, what do you do in the water?

The lessons happen once a week for about half an hour, for 8 weeks. They begin with a song in German that helps babies get used to the new environment. The Hebamme will then slowly guide us with the exercise. The basic idea of the course is for babies to get used to water. It was an adventure pool with waterfalls, massage lounges and lazy rivers. The babies get used to water coming at them in many ways. This course was also Agni’s first social experience.

Can you share some exercises that they encourage your baby to do?

There are about 5-6 exercises that they teach in the first course. I’ll try to explain a few.

The mammas hold their babies and move them from side to side, back to front while maintaining eye contact. Their hands and legs are always free to move. They will then slowly start tapping and exploring water.
The babies are placed on their tummies while the Mammas support them on their chest with their palms while moving very fast in the water. They will raise their heads and move their hands and feet. Agni used to smile and laugh a lot when we did this exercise. I loved it!
The Mammas take a bucket and pour water on their hands, feet, shoulders and body. Once they are used to this, water is poured on their heads. This will help them gain breath control.

The babies float on their backs while mammas hold them. Generally, babies get anxious with this exercise because they cannot see what’s underneath and it takes a while for them to understand.
The babies are placed on a big float on their tummy with objects in front of them. They try to reach out for objects while the mammas continue to pour water on their backs.

^{Note: It is important to remember that it is not safe to try these exercises without a proper instructor.}

Do they take the babies underwater? How was this experience?

This was only in the second half of the course when the babies were used to water falling on their heads and have some breath control. The mammas hold the babies, typically in the airplane position while the Hebamme pours water on them from legs to their head. Then, the mammas swing them 360 degrees underwater. Agni was the youngest and a bit apprehensive the first few times. So, I would take her under the shower many times. Once she got used to water falling on her head, she did it with so much ease. Now, she enjoys it!

Do you see any noticeable changes in your baby’s movements after exposure to these lessons?

I think the lessons helped a lot with her movement and coordination of hands. At 4.5 months, she used to move a lot on her back.

Was it always mammas in the water with the babies or did dads and grandparents take part too?

Fathers and even grandparents used to come once in a while. They would get into the water along with us.

Can you share a note to parents about baby swimming?

Many parents are worried about taking their babies into the pool so early. But, I think it is totally safe, as long as they have a proper instructor. It is exciting and a lot of fun.